She looked as though she were sleeping. I wished that I had been there earlier in the day, to have been blessed by her characteristic smile and knowing nod, to have squeezed her swollen and well worn hands and arms for one more time. As I touched her face for the last time, I wanted to say a lot of things to her but no words came. Just tears and the word that I was sure she would respond to, Uhm-ma!
She had been a loyal, faithful, supportive, loving wife to my father for more than 70 years. And to scores of people at Young Nak church, she was Kwonsa doing the two things she loved to do, serve and pray. To her 4 children, she was simply the best mom that one could ever hope to have. At times during my very immature years when she did not spare the rod (that means spanking for naughtiness), I had second thoughts about this. But now, I would pay dearly to have the chance to relive even those moments.
I wish that I had told her in words what was obvious but seldom expressed. Why are these words so expensive, so difficult? I love you. I appreciate you. You are clearly the best mom in the world to me. You are my treasure.
My mother lived a very blessed life. These blessings are not measured in dollars and cents. Rather, the blessings came in the form of relationships that money can’t buy. She would often tell me in one of our late night chats at the kitchen table that her greatest joy and pleasure in life was from knowing that all of her children and grandchildren had become believers in Christ like herself and dad. Nothing else even came close in importance. On one occasion, she was so overcome with emotion that tears flowed as she held my hands and thanked God. And with the clarity that faith provides, we look beyond the grave and agree with mom that yes, this life is good, but it is no comparison with the next.
Next to her family, her next great love was what was then the young people of our church. There are some of you who remember her presence in the young adults group at young nak. She would be at every meeting, usually seated at the back, keeping up with the teaching, but also praying. She ministered with a quiet touch. What you didn’t know was that she brought her ministry home with her and she would pray for the many young people that she came to know through those years. Her routine was to wake up at 4am and spend her time reading the scriptures, going through her long prayer lists. I can still picture her, under the flourescent light with her little foldable table. She continued this ministry with little fanfare for many years. I respect her for her steadfast devotion.
Her last 4 years of life were made all the more difficult with the onset of dementia. This cruel disease took away her memory function to the point that she scarcely recognized people. Memory, dignity, the ability to speak or hear, the basic functions of life were slowly stripped away. At the core of her being, however, was a radiant joy that just could not be repressed. She communicated with us and others with her warm smile and uncontainable laughter, with her patented knowing nod.
With her last breath, the chains that bound her to many limitations were unshackled and she is now in the presence of her Great Love, Jesus Christ. We will all make this same trip some day. And though I still have a hard time accepting that she is gone, in the light of eternity, it is but another blink until that time comes for me and we will soon see one another again, in glory.
Mom, thank you for your lasting imprint on our lives. Your quiet touch has made an imprint on the lives of many. Borrowing a line from Jack Nicholson, “You made us want to be better people.” Today is a day to grieve but also to celebrate this quiet life that was lived so well. Thank you for taking the time to join us to remember our dear mom. I would like to close with these words of hope, from the pen of the Apostle Paul.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
(JH, May 25, 2010)
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